Forever in Days - Tutorial and Feedback with Steve Coombes

(Unfortunately I couldn't find clip art with a male teacher lol)

Not too long ago, we were scheduled tutorials with Steve in which he gave us feedback about our scripts that he went back to read.

STORY & STRUCTURE  
 "In a sense, this is a Director's script. Full of nice and considered detail...However there are anomalies in both time and place." - S.C.

At first I was a little confused by his meaning but he went into detail stating that at times their speech was modern and estuary in nature and at other times it was as though the characters came from a gothic and dark Victorian world. An example of this in my script is when Dr.Whittaker says "It's donkeys", it doesn't flow nicely after use of proper english for example: "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news". Taking his advice I reviewed my dialogue and chose to stick with the Victorian gothic style as I felt it would be interesting to tell in that way. So instead of simple dialogue, everything is much more exaggerated and poetic. Allowing scenes and dialogue to flow nicely together.

ACTION & DIALOGUE
"Maryanne's dialogue is good and I particularly liked the voice in the voiceovers. But, I wasn't persuaded that character's who talk with the sweep of the opening and live in a world where waiters call you "madam", would say 'whatever' or be the subject of lines like 'coming right up.'
"Dr Whittaker speaks like he's just stepped out of a 19th century novel to discover a CT scan!" - S.C.

From the above statements it was clear my script needed some work. I needed to be clear and concise about what side I was on - victorian and gothic / simple and modern. As stated earlier I stuck with the first option. Besides changing dialogue, I had to change action as well i.e the parts of the script that give a visual guide as to what is happening. At times, I myself felt it didn't roll off the tongue quite right. There were parts of action I gave my utmost attention, and others I didn't pay much attention to at all; and when writing a script it's important that there is a balance in writing. Of course some scenes in a film will be more important/mind-blowing than others, but nonetheless each scene, action and even piece of dialogue must be well written. Even now I'm still in the process of making changes according to the feedback. Certain parts I have re-worked, others I have changed completely. It''l be interesting to hear thoughts on the final piece now that I'm more aware and confident in my piece.

Working and Learning from Steve Coombes was an essential experience. Being a professional in the industry himself meant he was able to guide us into the right direction with our projects.

"Nevertheless, an enjoyable piece of work which almost lives up to its lovely title: Forever in Days." - S.C.